The Right Way to Handle Secondary Invitations
Contrary to whatever a certain red-haired comedian tells you, secondary, or “B-List,” wedding invitations don’t carry a negative connotation. Just the opposite: Since it’s usually impossible to invite everyone to your big day, B-Lists serve a very important purpose, as well as creating new guest opportunities.
Why you need a B List.
Remember, everyone you initially invite to your wedding will not be able to attend. Don’t take this personally: Some loved ones will have prior engagements, for others it will be difficult to travel, and last-minute emergencies can crop up. If you’ve prepared a celebration for 100 guests, approximately 80 should arrive.
Instead of letting all that food and fun go to waste, prepare a B-List of guests. They fill up the extra space, and, more important, they’re the people you would have loved to invite if you knew you had enough room.
The B-List usually consists of older friends, office-mates (only rule here; invite everyone from the office or just the boss), and anyone else who’s not in the same priority category as Mom and Dad. The first round of wedding invites are usually sent around two months’ prior to your big day, and the second round about a month prior, but after guests have RSVP’d “No” or not at all.
How to invite your B List.
Before you send out B-List invitations, make sure to double check that invitees who have not responded are not coming. Some people will forget to RSVP by the required date, and some might think you’re such good friends it’s not necessary. There’s nothing wrong with calling up your Sorority Sister and saying “I haven’t heard from you yet; just wanted to check if you still plan on attending.”
Once you’ve got a clear handle on how many more guests you can invite, send out the new invitations. Many people think the B-List should only contain people who live near you, so you are not inconveniencing a loved one by making him spend a fortune on a last-minute plane ticket and/or hotel reservation. This decision is entirely up to you.
What to say.
Also, don’t play dumb and pretend you a.) simply forgot to mail their invite, or b.) haven’t gotten around to sending out invitations until the last minute. Good friends know that not everyone can be a guest at your wedding, and they will understand. If you wish, you can even follow up a B-List invitation with a call telling them that you have more room than you initially expected. It’s not advisable, however, to skip the invite altogether and just phone or (worse) e-mail. Formality is always the smart way to go.
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