Too Many Bridesmaids?
There are no hard-and-fast rules on how many bridesmaids and groomsmen you can have at your wedding. You only have “too many” honor attendants if any of them are not people you truly wish to be a part of your celebration.
All things equal.
Never pick your honor attendants immediately after the proposal. You’re not thinking straight, and you’ll end up asking the waiter who served you champagne right before your fiancé proposed. Wait a couple of weeks and then decide on who you would really like to be by your side on the big day.
Also, if you want five bridesmaids, and he wants six groomsmen, that’s fine. There is no “equal” etiquette rule. An additional bridesmaid can be escorted down the aisle by an usher, and two groomsmen can escort one bridesmaid together.
Not so fast.
Even without rules of etiquette, there are some practicalities to consider. A big one is money: Each member of the wedding isn’t just another guest; they’re also someone you’ll be spending cash on, in the form of lunches, gifts, and, for some people, outfits and transportation.
In general, a small wedding party is easier to plan, because you can narrow the list down to a couple of extremely close friends. As soon as you add your network of co-workers and classmates, you’ll find more and more people hurt that they’re left out. When in doubt, remember that a wedding is like a cocktail or dinner party: if you enjoy throwing a big bash, by all means go ahead. But if you’re more comfortable with intimate gatherings, chances are you’ll feel the same when planning your wedding.
When choosing bridesmaids and groomsmen, you might feel obligated to ask those whose weddings you participated in. While this is understandable, it isn’t necessary. If you were the Maid of Honor for your grade-school best friend, and you’ve since grown apart, you’re not required to search her down. You should, however, take into consideration the feelings of your new in-laws. If your groom’s sister has been hinting that she’d love to be an honor attendant, don’t immediately discard the idea because you’ve only known her a year; she’s about to become family, and a wedding is a great starting point to establish good relationships.
On the other hand, make sure that everyone you ask to be in your ceremony wants to be a part of it. It’s easy to forget in such a glorious time that your loved ones have their own lives, and may simply not have the time, energy, or money to be involved. (Complicating matters, they may not have the courage to tell you the wedding will be a burden.) Talk to each one individually and let them know you will completely understand if they can’t do it. Don’t be hurt if their answer is “no.” You’d much rather hear a negative response now than find out later that your friend has taken a part-time job to pay for her dress.
Remember that’s it’s considered gauche to “fire” an honor attendant, so never pick one on a trial basis.
Finally, if you’ve narrowed your attendants down to the last two people, toss a coin, and ask the other one to give a reading. Sometimes, it’s the most practical solution.