Preparing for a Formal Wedding
A formal affair is a beautiful way to celebrate your nuptials, one that doesn’t involve just tacking on extra zeros to the budget. Should you go this route, know that most of the rules go up a notch too. Starting with outfits, for formal ceremonies brides generally wear floor-length gowns with trains, while men wear black-tie. If the ceremony's before six p.m., you can opt for a shorter dress, while guys can go with suits and ties. Make sure that dress requirements are listed on invitations (for example, "black-tie reception immediately following"), as people will want to know how they're supposed to look.
Most formal ceremonies start with a church or synagogue ceremony, complete with receiving line. Formal ceremonies usually involve lots of bridesmaids and ushers, a lavish rehearsal dinner, and bachelor and bachelorette parties. If you're having the reception at an extravagant site, or landmark building, chances are you'll have to work with the staff already present. Many hotels have their own wedding caterers, and won't allow personal touches, like Aunt Joan's Pineapple Upside Down Cake. This is especially true should your affair be held at a fancy restaurant; their menu will be what's served.
On the flip side, book that dazzling Victorian building, and you might find you’re not allowed to use any of the gorgeous sofas and chairs inside. Ask ahead of time if you'll have to rent furniture. Should you be tres artsy and hold your wedding at an art gallery, don't be surprised to find that red wine is not allowed (remember those paintings), or that certain areas will be roped off. Full bars with top-shelf liquor are pretty much de rigueur for lavish ceremonies, so find other ways to save. As much as you dig that new DJ on your FM dial, he's probably not going to fit in at most formal affairs. Bands are the way to go. If it's a smaller ceremony, one or two musicians are fine.
As for the size, formal weddings are usually large (more than 200 guests), which means finding a large reception hall or restaurant. Don't be surprised if they have a guest minimum, especially if they're providing the food and drink. Large weddings require booking blocks of hotel rooms; you'll probably get a discount, but the expense will add up. Formally speaking, gift baskets in guests' rooms are a chic touch.
If you are hiring the caterers yourself, don't plan on Pigs in a Blanket! If the man in your life loves them, remind him how much those guests are spending on their attire (as soon as people read "formal" on an invite, they too may have to shop for new clothes); the food shouldn't be McCheap. You can certainly have a small, formal affair (a great idea is that little French restaurant the two of you love, or the one in which he proposed). Know ahead of time that small restaurants tend to have small private rooms, which means limiting musicians (and maybe scaling down the guest list even more than you'd planned). When it comes time to celebrate, remember that there is no rule that "formal" can't mean "have a ball."