Modern Remarriage Etiquette
Times have changed since a second (or third) marriage was something you celebrated with a quick trip to Vegas and a honeymoon on the back deck with margaritas for two! Today people celebrating a second wedding (whether one, or both parties, have been married before) send out invitations, have parties, go on honeymoons, and indulge in all the excitement and joy they deserve. Just as any wedding should be, modern second weddings can be all that the couple want and feel comfortable with.
Double take.
There are differences from a first-time wedding, and many of them depend on individual circumstances. If you and your new spouse already live together, you might re-think traditional registry ideas, as you probably have most of what you need. If your first wedding was elaborate, and many of the same guests will be in attendance, you may be concerned about coming off as a gift-monger. Don’t worry about it and let your guests give what they wish. Some may be extravagant; others may just write a loving card. Many guests will bring you a gift no matter what you tell them, so at least register online somewhere or set up a charity registry. As always, spreading the “gift rule” is best done through word of mouth, as opposed to listing it on the invitations.
If your first wedding was a smaller or more modest affair, feel free to go all out and have that big white wedding dress. Otherwise, second-time brides tend to wear something a little more subdued, such as a cocktail dress or suit. Once you decide on the formality, let the guests know by listing it on the invitations (“black-tie optional,” “cocktail attire,” etc.) You certainly don’t need to have 12 bridesmaids again, but a Maid or Matron of Honor is not just a tradition: she can be a lifesaver!
It takes two.
The invite list can be tricky. If you and your former spouse are on great terms, and/or have children together, by all means invite him. If you think it will be uncomfortable for anyone involved (most importantly, you or your new groom), don’t. The same goes for in-laws. When in doubt, talk to them ahead of time and ask them how they feel about the wedding. Before you start to feel guilty that you haven’t invited your former Mother-In-Law, remember that she might feel uncomfortable attending, but not comfortable enough to tell you her feelings; again, communication is the key.
A second wedding is no different than a first wedding in how it is to be viewed; a commitment of your bond in front of your friends and loved ones. Take the day in stride, with your future out before you.
-David Toussaint