Thinking of an Adults-Only Ceremony?
Lately, more and more brides are pruning their guest lists by making their wedding an adults-only affair, and depending on the type of ceremony you’re planning, it may make sense: if you're planning a formal or religious event, they can make it needlessly tough.
Dream date?
Of course, many brides want small children at their wedding! For some, little ones can give the whole day a sense of family, the future, life, and spontaneity. Other brides will spend their day worrying about the cake getting knocked over, screaming over the vows, and fits on the dance floor. There are plenty of great reasons to have small children at a wedding, but there are also some good reasons to leave them at home...
Which of these does not belong?
Think about the type of wedding you’re going to have. If it’s white glove all the way, you'll want to think twice about inviting kids. Let's face it: their behavior is just as fickle as they are cute, even if their parents insist that theirs is exceptionally well mannered. It is no secret that children are not known to sit tight!
Sometimes the decision is made for you: consider the time of day. Morning ceremonies are one thing, but if you're having an evening ceremony, try to imagine dancing with your new hubby while play-fights break out, and cranky little angels are up past their bed time.
Break the news.
Make sure you send invitations addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Smith, rather than The Smith Family, to lay the groundwork. Then explain to a few friends and family members about your decision, and ask them to spread the word. Inevitably, some will balk at the idea, and when they do, try this response:
“We have made the decision to not invite children to the wedding because we do not think they will have fun amongst a room full of adults, speeches, and loud music. I hope you understand this was a difficult decision, but we want you to have a fabulous time as well.”
You may be surprised how many parents would relish a night without feedings and diaper changes. But you have to be prepared if they don't take it well. The situation is delicate. They might threaten that without their child, they won't go at all. Before they get that chance, remind them that it would not be fair to allow their child and no one else's. (One exception to this rule may be for immediate family, especially if one of them is to be your flower girl or ring-bearer.)
Options?
If your reception is more kid-appropriate than your wedding, check to see if there is a separate space where the kids can wait, supervised, until the wedding is over. They can watch movies and eat pizza (think of what you'll save by not serving them the full dinner!) until it's time to start the party. Once the party starts, have crayons waiting on kids' tables that are covered in paper rather than linen. The more quietly they are entertained, the better!
There are ways to retain the elegance of your big day without leaving the kids at home. You're not obligated, but if your budget can swing it, it may be a nice gesture to hire an on-site babysitter; it's the easiest way to get a child-free wedding attended by some complaint-free parents!