Planning Your Jewish Wedding
Jewish weddings have many unique traditions and rituals, but differ greatly depending on whether they are Orthodox, Conservative, or Reformed, and on the individual family’s person preferences and beliefs. Consult with your family or synagogue before making any major decisions, but here are a few reminders to get you started:
Determine a location and date.
Make sure that your wedding does not conflict with any major holidays, such as Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah, or take place during the Sabbath (sunset on Friday through Saturday evening). If you are planning on marrying in a synagogue, you should also remember to consult with the rabbi to determine the temple’s rules about food, music, and any other elements of the ceremony.
Prepare a ketubah.
Traditionally, this marriage contract described the groom’s responsibilities and financial duties to his wife, but today many couples use it to express their commitment to each other and to the Jewish faith. In Orthodox weddings, the ketubah is signed by the groom, the rabbi, and two male witnesses during the ceremony. In other communities, the bride and female witnesses may also sign it.
You may want to hire a calligrapher or graphic designer to create the contract, as a memento of your wedding.
Create a huppah.
Your wedding will take place under this canopy that symbolizes the presence of God and your future home. Ask your rabbi where you can rent or buy one, or you can create your own huppah (a great way to customize your ceremony!). It’s usually made out of a piece of fabric held up by four poles, but you can use prayer shawls or flowers. We know a Japanese and Jewish couple who made their huppah out of paper cranes!
During a traditional ceremony, the groom will walk down the aisle with his parents, followed by the bride and her parents, with the couple meeting under the huppah. The bride then circles around her fiancé seven times, representing the seven days of creation. (In some communities, the bride will only circle three times.) Some couples have decided to adapt this ritual by having the groom circle the bride, as well.
Decide if you’re serving a kosher meal.
The wedding meal, or seudat mitzvah, is a fundamental element of the ceremony. Serving a kosher meal is one good way to reflect faith, and there are plenty of options beyond matzah and latkes. Tell your caterer as soon as possible that you are serving kosher food. Remember that you cannot mix meat and dairy, and should avoid shellfish and pork. If you are serving meat at your wedding, do not forget to remind your baker to create a dairy-free kosher cake. Most cakes can be prepared with substitutes such as margarine and soy milk, without sacrificing taste or quality.
Prepare your guests.
Some of your guests may be unfamiliar with the rituals involved in a Jewish ceremony and may need instruction or explanation. No one wants to feel confused or disrespectful, so send out a short note with the wedding invitations, or talk to them individually. Purchase yarmulkes and have them on hand to give out to your male guests who did not bring their own.
Get some alone time after the service.
Known as yichud, this practice began as a legal requirement of marriage, but is also a way for you and your spouse to have a moment to relax and reflect on your union before joining the reception. Don’t worry about semantics with this tradition; just enjoy your time alone with your new husband after the wedding ceremony. You’ll be happy for the time to catch your breath!