Wedding Traditions to Retire

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Updating Your Wedding Rituals

A big part of your wedding day involves tradition; the cake-cutting, the vows, and, most important, that man and wife thing. However, unlike your new love, there are some traditions that might seem outdated. Unless you’re nixing a family or religious tradition whose absence might offend loved ones, there’s nothing wrong with “retiring” a wedding tradition. Here, 5 experts weigh in on wedding traditions you no longer need to say “I do” to. We’re not telling you to get rid of these time-tested ideas, just letting you know that the choice is yours.

The Bouquet and Garter Toss: For Danielle Bobish, of Curtain Up Events in New York, these two traditions are top on her list, “especially at weddings for people who are in their early 20’s. I just find it to be terribly humiliating for the single people who have to identify themselves in front of everyone.” Her alternate suggestion? “Give your bouquet to a good friend or relative in private and let them know that you really want them to have it, and that you hope it will bring them good fortune.” As for that garter, she thinks the tradition itself can be tossed – mainly for the awkward experience of the guy who caught the garter slipping it on the leg of the lady with the bouquet. It can be cute and fun, but we’ve seen plenty of shy kids feeling awfully embarrassed throughout this process!

The Traditional Processional: For Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, officiant and author of the forthcoming book “Your Interfaith Wedding,” some modern touches need to be made. “The bride should not feel locked into traditions that are not meaningful for her and her beloved,” she says. “For example, if she has not seen her father in ten years, why should she be obligated to ask him to walk her down the aisle, or feel bad if she doesn't want to?” Brockway thinks the bride should walk down with whomever she chooses and without any objections from people in her party.

The Chicken Dance, Macarena, Etc.: Marco Vanini, Chicago DJ, thinks all of these dances are fine, but only if the bride and groom insist upon them. “I always tell couples, ‘You don’t have to do the Macarena just because it’s associated with weddings. This is your day, play and dance to what you want.’” Vanini has found more and more that couples would prefer these dances be taken off the “to do” list, but are worried someone will be upset. “If you’re concerned about your brother’s feelings, tell him ahead of time, so he won’t request a dance you don’t like.”

Cake in the Face: “Do you really want your wedding photos to show images of you stuffing food into each other’s faces?” asks Ron Ribelli, New York wedding photographer. Once a staple of weddings, the cake-stuffing ritual has started to take a back seat to simply feeding the slice to each other. “I have no objection to couples shoving cake at each other, but I always warn them ahead of time about how the pictures might look.”

Matching Bridesmaid/Groomsmen Attire: David Russell, a Miami wedding planner, isn’t against the long-held tradition, but he doesn’t think couples should feel obligated to go this route. “Matching outfits are wonderful, and look fantastic,” he says. “At the same time, if you want the wedding party to pick out their own outfits—including the men—feel free. You’re not breaking any rules, and you can always tell them to stick to a certain color or style.”

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with any of these wedding traditions – if they mean something to you. It’s your wedding and if you want to do the Hokey-Pokey, by all means go for it. Should you be worried that Mom’s gonna insist on the Electric Slide, or rowdy groomsmen are going to yell “Stuff the Cake!” let everyone know ahead of time that these traditions have been let out to pasture. Also, inform all appropriate vendors of your nix list. Then go ahead and make a brand-new start!