Selecting the Officiant Who Will Marry You
Choosing your clergy officiant is an integral part of your Big Day, as he or she, well… marries you! For some, the officiant will be someone who’s been a part of their house of worship for years. Others, however, will have to do a little soul-searching. Don’t put the task off, as there’s more to cover than you might think. (Note: While it sounds obvious, the first thing you need to ask is if the officiant you want is free on the date of your wedding.)
Efficient officiant advice.
If you’re of two different faiths, or one of you is not religious, you need to make sure they will be open to marrying you. There are many rules about interfaith marriages, and each priest and rabbi will have their own set of ideals: Also, if the officiant at your house of worship cannot marry you, for whatever reason, it’s customary to ask him for advice on whom to contact. Once you find an officiant who can marry you, make sure you hit it off. In the initial meeting, ask him as many questions as he asks you. Like your caterer and photographer, he’s going to be a major guest at the wedding. You need to make sure you’re completely comfortable with him.
Officiants vary in how involved they get in wedding planning. You need to ask if premarital counseling is required, and if so, how much? (Before you knock this idea, it can be a good way to smooth over any remaining doubts or complications you and your spouse-to-be have.) Be sure to ask if he’s open to any written vows the two of you have planned, as well as readings from friends and loved ones, and if he needs to read them for approval. There also might be certain music that isn’t allowed at the ceremony site, as well as a required dress code. Ask if he will give a sermon or read specific spiritual passages. Make sure you’re familiar with them as well.
Officiant business.
Once you choose an officiant, go over details such as when the marriage license will be signed, when the rehearsal will take place, etc. This is also the time to cover any unclear ground: Are there any restrictions at the site, like cameras in the ceremony area? You don’t want any last-minute surprises, so make a list of all your questions, and ask away.
In general, the officiant does not take a fee, but accepts a donation for the house of worship. It’s acceptable to ask him the amount typically donated. If you feel uncomfortable with that question, have your Best Man or Maid Of Honor take charge (and then reimburse them!). Also, it’s customary to invite the officiant and his/her spouse to the rehearsal dinner and the reception. If he or she is traveling a long-distance, it’s also customary to pay for travel and lodging expenses.