How to Make Sure Guests Don’t Steal Your Celebration Thunder

In the film “Rachel Getting Married,” Anne Hathaway’s character turns a wedding toast to her sister into a celebration… of herself. It’s a squeamish scene because most of us have witnessed similar “wedding crasher” moments. On your big day, you’ll want to do your best to prevent unwanted interruptions from friends and relatives.  You will also need to know how to subvert them should they occur. Read on for smart tips.

Most friends and relatives who seize your day to announce big news of their own (a new job, a new house, and, most common of all, a proposal) aren’t deliberately trying to steal your thunder; they simply don’t realize it’s in bad form. They may have gotten caught up in the excitement, or thought that it would be easier to make an announcement while the family is already gathered together.  Head these people off at the pass: If you find out that a guest is bubbling over with big news, get their permission first and make the announcement yourself, at a rehearsal dinner or pre-wedding party.

Should the news be that your fiancé’s best man is going to propose at your ceremony, have your hubby politely take him aside and tell him that now’s not the time. If you feel comfortable with the idea, let the guest know that he can propose at a later date, like a day-after brunch. Another idea is to ask him if he can propose in private, then announce it at a more appropriate time. You can also remind him that the woman he loves will probably be more comfortable being asked the question at a different venue. Chances are, if she’s in the wedding party she’ll be mortified that he popped the question on your big day.

It’s also possible that a guest will propose in private, and that he and his fiancée will be so excited they’ll blurt it out during the reception. Once again, if they tell you first, you need to stand firm, explain how excited you are about their upcoming nuptials, and that you’d love to make an announcement at another time. If you’re worried about hurting their feelings, you can have someone else talk to them—like a maid of honor or wedding planner.

If they do blurt it out, whether out of sheer excitement, or in that rare case of jealousy, all you can do is go with it. Quickly take over the microphone, tell them how happy you are for them, then move on. (It will be even more awkward if you appear upset or frustrated.) A good DJ or band leader will also know how to politely bring the attention back to you; if you’re concerned a proposal might take place, let the musical host know ahead of time. Whatever happens, make sure it doesn’t break your day.

-David Toussaint

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