How & When Thank Your Wedding Guests

Just as invitations start your wedding buzz, thank-you notes put an official final “stamp” on it. You should order your thank-you notes 4-6 months before your wedding and no later than a month prior. You won’t need them immediately, but it saves from last-minute chaos and costs.

Phyllis Roth, of Buy Invitation Only in New York, suggests that you purchase thank-you notes from the same company as your invitations, “even if they are a different style.” She advises this for practical reasons. “You have one shipping cost,” she says, “and you can purchase them at the same time and proof them together.”

Although traditional wedding etiquette says you have a year to send out thank-you notes, the sooner the better. “People like to know their gift was received,” says Roth. She suggests you aim for four months. Also, the old rule of sending out thank-you notes before the wedding no longer applies. “There’s so much going on before a wedding that couples rarely have time to sit down and write cards.”

When writing your notes, it’s appropriate to refer specifically to a gift. For instance, say how much you loved the “crystal decanter”, and where you intend to put it. If you were sent money, be less-specific, and mention how much you appreciate the gift (you don’t need to write “cash”). It’s also a nice touch to add a line saying how wonderful it was to see the couple at the ceremony. If they didn’t attend the wedding, you can add that you hope to get together soon.

Although some couples send out printed thank-you notes, Roth advises clients to handwrite each card. “Otherwise, it makes you feel like a number,” she says. If you had a particularly large wedding, don’t try and write them at the same time. Instead, find about 20 minutes each day and send out as many as you can.

There was a time when thank-you notes were addressed only to the wives, a custom that no longer exists. Your notes should be addressed in the same fashion as your invitations. If you’re sending a note to a family, and one of the children did a reading, you can mention it in the note or send her a separate card. Sometimes, couples send out photos of the wedding, a lovely option should you be that ambitious.

Expect to pay between $1-$3 per note, depending on the formality and style. You should always order at least 25 extra cards to account for mistakes and to keep a few for yourselves. It’s one more souvenir of your splendid day.

-David Toussaint

Go Back to Traditions & Etiquette
Check Out Welcoming Your Out of Town Guests
Check Out Balancing Family Traditions