Responding to Your Invitations
What to Expect from the Guests You Invite to Your Wedding
Even though you’re in “bride mode” right now, you should be aware of invitation response etiquette too, so that you know what to expect from your guests-to-be. Imagine yourself as the recipient of a wedding invitation, and think about the questions and concerns you might have…
The etiquette of acceptance.
As a wedding guest, showing up in your finest outfit and sending a gift isn’t your only obligation. First, you have to respond to the wedding invitation. Simple enough? It should be, but here are a few guidelines in case you have to do some “guest” work.
For starters, make sure you RSVP by the date listed on the invitation. Don’t assume that, because you and Suzy were sorority sisters, she knows you’re coming. Also, don’t wait until you’re boarding the plane to text her that you’re a “Yes.” Those RSVP dates are extremely important for the bridal party, as it tells them how many people they are feeding, how many other guests can be invited, where they are going to put people up for the night, etc.
Make sure that you read any additional requests and oblige accordingly. If you and your partner have been invited, write that you will both be attending. If children have been invited, let the bride and groom know if they will be attending. Check off the box that asks whether you prefer chicken or fish.
If you are confused about any aspect of the invitation, clear up the problem ASAP. For instance, common etiquette rules say that, if an invited guest is living with someone, either a husband or a boyfriend, he should automatically be invited. If your honey, Sam, was not listed on the invite, it might be an oversight. Perhaps the bride and groom were mistaken in thinking the two of you were still a couple, or (falsely) assumed one invite made it clear the invitation was for two. To avoid any awkward moments later on, call the bride, or e-mail her, and say that you will both be attending. If you feel your live-in was deliberately snubbed, and you’re comfortable enough that you can mention it to the bride, do so right away. Remember to approach the subject in a friendly manner.
Alternatively, there is no rule that says a single friend is automatically allowed to bring a date. Unless you’ve been notified otherwise, you’re not expected to bring someone else to the wedding. This doesn’t mean the bride and groom are being rude; just that they want their nearest and dearest to attend—as soon as “plus one” becomes the norm, the wedding might be filled with people they’ve never met, adding to their budget.
Finally, now’s the time to ask any questions. If you’re not sure if children are invited, don’t make assumptions either way. Call and ask. If no one’s given you any indication of whether or not gifts are wanted or where the registry is, call a friend or relative of the bride and ask. If you have specific food requirements, and they are not listed, tell the bride. If you’re expecting any other complications, like needing to travel with your children, find out now about baby-sitting services and hotels that accompany children and/or pets. Keep these etiquette rules in mind, and you’ll make the best day all that much better.
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