Incorporating In-Laws Into Your Ceremony

You’re about to start a whole new journey, and part of the lifelong trips includes family—his. While you’re more than likely to address in-laws before the wedding, some family members are often not introduced until wedding preparations. To start things on the right foot, it’s smart to integrate both sides into the ceremony.  It’s an easy task if you’re already best buds, not so much if you’ve never met. Here’s an in-law ceremony primer.

If your groom-to-be has family members that you either don’t know well or not at all—they live far away, your engagement is short—first make sure your fiancé feels comfortable having them take part. (He may have longstanding, unresolved issues with some of them.) If he never mentions them in regards to the wedding, don’t assume he doesn’t want them involved. It may be that he’s afraid to bring the subject up, amid all the talk of showers with your best friends, bridesmaids’ luncheons and fittings, even the patience you’ve shown dealing with his mom and dad.  The issue is especially important when dealing with female siblings, as they almost always take wedding etiquette more seriously than men.

The most diplomatic channel for you is to ask his sisters to be bridesmaids. If you don’t know them well, talk to your fiancé first, then call them up and ask. (Like any other potential bridesmaid, don’t be offended if they turn you down.) More than likely, they’re going to be extremely flattered that you thought of them, a wonderful way to start life with your extended family. If, for whatever reason, you can’t ask them to be bridesmaids—your party is very small, they won’t be able to arrive until the night before your wedding—you can always ask them to do readings.

Once they agree to take part in your ceremony, try and arrange a time with just you girls. Offer his sisters over for lunch or coffee. If it’s easier, ask his mother to come along as well. In addition to going over the wedding-party duties, you need time to get to know them better, so they don’t feel as if they’re just there to hold your train and buy you a gift.

Brothers are a bit easier to deal with, as they make wonderful groomsmen. Once again, talk to your fiancé first and make sure he’s okay with the idea. If possible, find time to get to know them a little as well. If you think coffee or lunch is not manly enough for the guys, take your fiancé with you and meet up for cocktails, or arrange a Friday Night sports bar gathering.

Follow these tips, and your wedding day will be a true family affair!

-David Toussaint

Check Out Avoiding Jitters on Your Wedding Day
Check Out Meeting Your In-Laws at the Last Minute
Check Out How Many is Too Many Bridesmaids