Old World Traditions with Modern Touches
If you’ve ever seen “Moonstruck,” you already know a little about Italian-American weddings. There will be amore, there will be music, and there will be food—lots of it. If you and/or your groom are of Italian descent, adding Old World traditions to your modern wedding are a wonderful way to honor family ancestors and to add some spice to la dolce vita.
Family’s a huge part of all weddings; in an Italian wedding that usually includes children, both as invites and participants. Although many couples opt to not invite children to their ceremony, before you make that decision, talk to your parents. If they are insistent on having young ones in attendance, you might want to allow it. The choice is yours, but this is an area where compromise is strongly suggested; especially if Mom and Dad are footing the bill.
Italian-American weddings are generally preceded by Mass, and all guests are invited to attend (though not required). Very few churches still require brides’ arms to be covered (either by a stole or coat), but even if you go strapless, a cover-up adds a glamorous touch. A head table, or dais, is de rigueur if you’re going ultra-formal.
Once the reception gets underway, so do the courses. The cocktail hour generally includes antipasto, and dinner is a multi-course feast that can include pasta, soup, fruit, and meat. Instead of a traditional dessert dish, after the cake-cutting guests are treated to the Venetian Hour, usually a separate room stacked with sweets, coffees, and liqueurs.
One of the big events at Italian-American weddings is the “buste” custom. Traditionally, the bride carries a satin purse around the tables and people donate their gift checks (money is an expected gift for Italian weddings). Even if you omit the purse, cash is a common wedding present. For couples with more of a Tiffany’s mindset, make sure you create a gift registry, but don’t be hurt if some guests give greenbacks. The buste is often “guarded” by the bride’s grandmother, or worn by the bride throughout the reception.
Wedding toasts are common and frequent at Italian weddings. “Evviva gli sposi” (or “Hurray for the newlyweds”) is commonly shouted and met with applause from other guests. They’ll also shout “Kiss the bride,” which is your groom’s cue to kiss you in front of everyone.
Before the reception is over you and your groom will likely break a glass; the pieces of shattered glass represent the number of happy years you’ll enjoy together. At some Italian weddings, doves are released around this time, symbolizing your love and happiness as newlyweds.
No Italian-American wedding would be complete without the Tarantella folk dance, a staple of Italian wedding music. Should you really want to impress the folks, take private lessons in advance. If one of you is insistent on a DJ and the Macarena, start the marriage process early and compromise; hire both and get the best of both worlds. That’s amore!
-David Toussaint
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