Including Men in Your Bridal Party

More and more, women are picking men to be their Man of Honor or a male bridesmaid. There’s no rule that says you shouldn’t do this, and it doesn’t matter how formal your ceremony is. If your best friend is a man, by all means give him the role of Man of Honor; ditto male bridesmaids (“bridesmen,” or simply “groomsmen”). If guests ask questions, let them know how important your friend is to you, and that you couldn’t be happier that he accepted the honor. It’s also become more common for women to ask a brother or other close male relative.

Obviously, a few details will change if you have men in your party, so address them ahead of time to make sure there are no awkward or uncomfortable situations.

Fashion-wise, a man of honor wears an outfit to match the formality of the wedding, and something befitting of the man poised to stand by the bride. His only no-no is to wear a tux or suit that looks similar to the groom’s or the best man’s. Male bridesmaids should wear the same suits as the groomsmen; if they want to add an accessory to show they’re with the bride, they can choose a different tie or boutonniere that more closely complements the bridesmaids' bouquets or attire.

Men of honor or male bridesmaids can take part in all the planning you’d ask of bridesmaids, including planning the shower and the bachelorette party. The shower itself should be unisex—not a bunch of teddies and tales of first boyfriends.  To make sure the guys don’t feel uncomfortable, you probably don’t want to schedule a bachelorette party at Chippendale’s or a “Sex and the City”-themed tour of Manhattan. Whoever is planning (whether a man or a woman) should pick a theme that everyone will enjoy; that can be a wine-tasting, spa day—men like massages too—or a simple get-together at a restaurant or bar.

Another shower option is to make it co-ed and hold it with the groom and his party. Bachelor and bachelorette parties, over the past decade, have become less frenzied and a more sophisticated. Some women with men in their parties choose not to have showers or bachelorette parties, and opt instead for a pre-wedding party in which everyone is invited.

Whatever you decide, treat your male wedding party members with the same respect and equality as the women. Just don’t expect them to line up to catch the bouquet.

Check Out Too Many Bridesmaids?
Check Out Corsages & Boutonnieres
Check Out the Duties of the Maid of Honor