Remarriage Rituals & Etiquette
Forget about drab city hall ceremonies and being forbidden to wear white. These days, second weddings can be as elaborate or as casual as you want, with the focus on two people who have finally found their true love. At last, it’s time to celebrate in style!
Something old, something new.
Think of your second wedding is a chance to make up for anything you disliked or wished you had done differently at your first ceremony. Were you unable to afford the lavish affair you dreamed of when you first married? Or did your parents convince you to have a stuffy, formal ceremony when all you really wanted was a casual get-together with your friends? This time, make sure to plan the event you really want. Second weddings are also less restricted by tradition. Wear a designer dress if you want to, rather than a gown, or create your own vows to reflect the uniqueness of your union.
Did you love your first ceremony? While you do not need to radically alter the format of your wedding just for the sake of change, you should be sure to avoid replicating your previous ceremony too closely. If your first wedding was very formal, your second does not need to be casual – just make sure to have the wedding in a dissimilar place or get married during a different time of year.
Dollars and sense.
Depending on the circumstances, you and your future husband will probably be expected to pay for the wedding yourself. But if your previous wedding was very small or if you paid for the expenses on your own, you could ask your parents to contribute. There are also no rules saying you can’t accept gifts. In fact, you should probably register to avoid receiving presents you don’t want! Just be prepared for guests who were especially generous the first time to acknowledge your union with a card or less lavish gift.
Kids incorporated.
If you or your fiancé have children, you might want to include them in the planning or wedding party. Allow your children to help select the flowers or assist with any other aspect of the wedding and make sure that you serve at least one type of food that you know they like to eat. Depending on the age of the child involved, he or she could be a flower girl, ring bearer, groomsman, or bridesmaid. Including your children in the ceremony and planning will show them that they are still an important part of your life. Just remember to make sure that the children really want to be a part of the wedding. Remarriage can be a difficult time for some children, and you should not force a child to be involved in something he or she is scared of, or upset about.
Divine intervention.
Many couples opt to have a civil ceremony, but you can choose to have a religious wedding. Depending on your religion, you may need to consult with your church or temple before you remarry. If you are Catholic or having a Catholic ceremony, you will need to have your first marriage annulled. To do this, you should contact your church to begin the process at least a year before your wedding. If you want to have a Conservative or Orthodox Jewish wedding, you should consult your rabbi in order to receive a Get, or Jewish divorce. Faiths differ greatly in their requirements for second marriages, so make sure to consult with your religious advisor several months before you plan on having the ceremony.
Although etiquette and tradition are a part of any ceremony, second weddings are usually not as strict on “rules”, so take the opportunity to have exactly the type of service that you want. You’ve earned it!