How to Let People Know Your Wedding List Is Full
It’s every bride’s nightmare: You’ve arranged the seating chart, given the caterer the final guest count, and—whamo!—your Great Aunt asks if she can bring along her new boyfriend. Tactfully saying “no” to guest-list additions is not an easy (or fun) task, but it’s something you’ll most likely have to deal with. Here are some positive tips on negative answers.
Plus-one’s really add up.
One of the most common extra-guest requests is from people who want to bring a date, even though the invitation did not say “plus one.” Despite how weddings are often portrayed in film and TV, you are not expected or required to invite guests’ dates. The rule is, if the person invited is married or living with someone, the extra person is automatically included. (Even if you’re not friends with him or her.) Their name should appear on the invitation. Should you want to invite someone’s partner, and he or she doesn’t live with your friend, send a separate invitation to their address.
While adding “plus one” is a sweet gesture, it can add a significant chunk to your reception bill. On the flip side, if most of your guests are married or in long-term relationships, you might find that it’s worth it to include “plus one” for your single friends. Take into consideration their comfort level, and whether or not they’re going to feel awkward arriving solo to your wedding. Do not allow some people a date, and refuse others.
Making room.
Another common scenario is that last-minute call from a relative asking if a more distant relative is allowed to attend. This gets tricky: If you have the room, your safest bet is to say yes. However, if your guest list is finalized and full you need to be honest and tell her there’s simply no room. If the relative lives nearby, make a lunch date. If she’s far away, promise (and deliver) to stop by next time you’re in town.
If you’ve made an egregious error and forgotten somebody important, and she calls or writes to enquire about the wedding, tell her how sorry you were that you forget, and invite her. Even if it means re-shuffling your seating chart for the 10th time and giving yet another guest-count to the caterer, it’s worth it. The extra trouble you take to accommodate her presence will pay off enormously.
Everything isn’t 50/50.
Finally, if your guest list is lopsided, and you have more guests than your fiancé, it doesn’t mean his bowling buddies should feel free to call and ask to be invited. When you create your guest list, try to even it out among the two of you. If one side ends up with fewer RSVP’s, feel free to pick your second list from the smaller group, but do so at your own discretion. Every guest at your wedding is part of your bill, and you’re the one who ultimately decides who you want to pay for.
-David Toussaint
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