Including Your Fiancé in Your Wedding Planning

It’s your wedding, and your big day. Ironically, that doesn’t always translate to seeing “his excitement” in the planning. Even though your groom is as thrilled about getting married as you are, wedding planning is often considered the woman’s domain. While much of that stems from tradition and customary roles, many grooms also feel as if their input isn’t needed, or that they’ll simply get in the way. Before you decide your fiancé is a planning dud, take a few steps to help get him in the wedding mood.

First, talk to your guy. If he has no interest in wedding planning, ask him why. It’s possible that he feels shut out—that you’re never going to listen to his ideas anyway, so it’s a waste of time getting involved. If this is the case, ask him what area he’d like to control (the band, the food, even a martini bar), and allow him to be the boss. If you’re not thrilled with some of his ideas, keep in mind that he’s letting you control the rest of the wedding. This is the beginning of a wonderful life of compromise, so start now. Even more than your mom or a close friend, it’s crucial that you allow your husband-to-be proper input.

If your groom feels uncomfortable around flowers and dresses, let him know how much you want and value his input on your big day, and ask to work on another area together. (Remember, too, that between you and all the planners, he may feel lost.) He can be a great help with the seating chart, he might want to help you haggle with vendors, or he could research cool transportation vehicles for the two of you. Many guys don’t realize how helpful they can be until they start working on the ceremony.

Should you find, after all this, that your fiancé would rather be incognito until the time to say the vows, have a heart-to-heart. If the thought of your groom not being involved in your big day troubles you, he needs to know how you feel. (On the flip side, if you’re both comfortable with that idea, there’s no reason to make him be an active participant.) One solution might be to have him take care of the entire honeymoon, and start planning it ASAP, or to put him in charge of the rehearsal dinner, or to have him keep all the finances documented and accounted for. The most important thing you both need to feel good about is each other’s role on the big day.

-David Toussaint

Check Out Specifics on Altar and Aisle Decorations
Check Out the Tradition of Corsages & Boutonnieres
Check Out Renting Stereo Equipment for Your Reception