Making Sure Separated Parents Are Comfortable
For many couples, divorced parents are just another part of ceremony planning. Naturally, you want your whole family to be included in your wedding, but you don’t want them, or anyone else, to be uncomfortable. It’s your day, but there are ways to make their presence a little more pleasant for all involved. Read on for tips.
As far as ceremony seating is concerned, if your divorced parents (or his) get along, they should sit together in the front pew of your house of worship. If that’s not the case, the mother typically sits in the front pew, with her new husband or a date, and the father sits in the pew behind, with his new wife or a date. If either parent has a new, extended family, they should be seated together. As such, one set of parents might have to sit a few pews back.
It’s possible that you are closer to your father, or that he’s the one who raised you, in which case it’s perfectly acceptable for him to sit in the front row, with your mother behind him. If there are hard feelings involving a new spouse, he or she may opt to sit farther back in the house of worship. This can be a complicated issue, so make sure you talk it out with all involved.
Pictures are handled in a similar fashion. If everyone gets along, wonderful. (This is one time where you should tell your divorced parents to suck it up and smile for the camera; these are pictures of your new life, and your family, together.) If your divorced parents refuse to be in the same photo, have the photographer take a shot of you with Mom (and any new family), and then Dad with the same. In photos such as these, you can also include step-children. Let your photographer know the circumstances ahead of time (he’s dealt with these issues before), and make sure everyone involved knows the line-up before the day of the wedding.
During the reception, assuming divorced parents are not on good terms, seat them at separate tables, preferably on opposite sides of the room so they can be equally close to your table. If you aren’t close to one of your parents, seat them farther back and away from the main table.
No matter how hard you work on the arrangements, there’s always a chance one parent from either your side or your fiancé’s side is not going to be happy with the plan. If that happens, you have to tell them that you did your best, and that, in the grand scheme of things, this day is not about them. Sometimes tough love is passed on from child to parent!
-David Toussaint
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