Shopping, Cost, Heirlooms, Design and More!
Many questions surround the topic of wedding ring etiquette. What should he spend on an engagement ring? How should he approach the topic of heirlooms? Here are the answers to some of your questions:
Consider the bride's personal taste.
A man should know his girlfriend’s taste in jewelry (as well as her ring size) before buying a ring. Depending on whether or not the proposal is a surprise, it is beneficial to go ring shopping beforehand so that she can point out different rings, settings, and shapes she is attracted to. Also, he can get a feel for whether her taste is simple, modern, antique, flashy, or modern-vintage (or whether she would prefer religious wedding rings). An effective alternative is for the (prospective) groom to go shopping with someone who knows her well, such as a dear friend or family member. That way, he can be confident when making such a big purchase.
Wedding ring etiquette for giving family heirlooms.
This can be a touchy subject. Probably the best advice would be for the man to talk to his girlfriend first to see if she would be open to wearing a family heirloom. (However, the woman should be tactful and discreet, realizing that a family antique is very meaningful). She may be open to a family heirloom but would like to see it first to make sure she can see herself wearing it long term. It is also advisable for the man to be open to his fiancé re-setting the stone to suit her tastes.
Surprise proposals & hoping she'll love the ring.
If he does not want to show her the ring before he proposes, then he should be open to the possibility of her not liking the ring, (and perhaps picking something else out at a later date).
In some cases, a woman may prefer to have something completely new. This should be addressed with honesty and openness. A woman should show her appreciation at the gracious gesture (and of course, say thank you). She should be tactful in what she says, choosing her words wisely. She could say, “The ring is lovely and I am touched by the offer, but this is not exactly my taste.” Since it is something she will wear every day for the rest of her life, it should be okay for her to admit that she would rather pick out something new.
How much should he spend?
Most wedding ring etiquette sources dictates approximately one to three months’ salary. Yet today, circumstances often dictate what a man spends. If he is a student, for example, it is understandable for him to spend less on a ring. Yet if he makes a decent amount of money and will hardly spend anything on a ring, that indicates that he may not be very generous with spending on his future wife (major red flag).
Custom designed rings.
More and more couples are opting for custom designed rings. A man should be very confident in his girlfriend’s taste in order to design a ring, because he cannot simply return it and get his money back if she doesn’t like it. In this case, it is usually best to show the design to his girlfriend, or at least show her styles resembling it.
Read more: