Engagement parties differ from the bridal shower and bachelorette parties significantly; they are a celebration of your upcoming nuptials, and usually held far in advance of your big day.

“It’s a time to mark the occasion and congratulate the couple,” says Danielle Bobish of Curtain Up Events in New York City. “It’s good to schedule it early on because, as your wedding approaches, you are going to be booked solid. Spread out the cheer.”

While anyone can host an engagement party (rarely does the wedding party take the responsibility, however, as they won’t have been assembled yet), it’s often one set of parents or the couple themselves. Gifts are not a requirement, but do be careful about whom you invite to the pre-party but leave out for the really big day.

“If you’re having a very small wedding, it’s okay to invite people to the engagement party who aren’t going to be invited to your ceremony,” says Bobish. “But if it’s a huge ceremony, it’s nice to include all the same people.”

There’s also no rule about the formality of the affair; some people have lavish dinners while others opt for an outside cocktail party, or even a night at the local pub. Bobish recommends that you think casual, for logistical purposes. “If your engagement party is way over-the-top, you’re going to feel like you have to out-do it later on.” She adds that the wedding should always be the last hurrah.

Also, toasts are not required at engagement parties, but expect people to make them. You should at some point have the hosts thank the guests for attending, and for honoring the couple.

And although it is becoming more common lately, it is still an etiquette no-no to have a cash bar. “Any party in which you make guests pay to drink is not worth having,” says Bobish. “If you can’t afford it, have soft drinks, or cut back in other areas, like the flowers or the site itself.” Or offer “signature cocktails,” a limited bar or only beer and wine.  Says Bobish, “Ultimately, when people leave, they’re not going to be obsessing over the décor of the restaurant.”

Check Out Announcing Your Engagement
Check Out Invitations Etiquette 101
Check Out DIY Wedding Invitations