Solutions to Wedding-Related Family Problems

Drama isn’t always limited to the stage or screen; you might find a dose of soap opera as you plan your wedding. Here, five common family dramas and how to deal.

1. Two Races/Religions: He’s Jewish, you’re Baptist, both sets of parents are unhappy. First, understand and respect your parents’ faith and backgrounds. Second, remember that this is your wedding and your life and you’re living in the 21st century. If a religious or ethnic background is going to be an issue, celebrate your engagement in private for a week or so before telling Mom and Dad; you want some alone engagement time before entering the firestorm. Once the two of you are grounded, tell them in private, in person (if possible), and let them vent. Approach the situation diplomatically, but don’t give in. Don’t be surprised if any parent threatens to boycott the wedding. Ultimately, all you can do is hope that, over time, they will realize how happy you are and give you their blessing. Be prepared to have a smaller wedding if money is involved, and your parents refuse to pay for any part of your ceremony. Chances are, it won’t come to that, but you can’t let money be a love bargaining chip. (Read more: Interfaith Wedding Planning)
   
   
2. Estranged Family Members: You haven’t spoken to your brother in 5 years and you don’t want him at the wedding. Unfortunately, if you don’t invite him, your parents will be furious and your other siblings will feel uncomfortable. There’s no easy solution to this dilemma, but if you can figure out a way to invite the estranged family member without too much discomfort, do so. Should your brother be left out of the ceremony, it will haunt you for years when photos and DVDs and wedding tales are shared. Uninvited family members can be one of the biggest wedding stress factors, so try and play diplomat. If you can, call your brother, and politely and sincerely tell him you’d like him to be a part of your big day. If there’s a contributing factor to your declining relationship that could cause problems at your ceremony (drugs or alcohol, a violent temper), tell him that he’ll have to vacate if he causes any disruption. That said, it is your wedding, and if you really don’t want to have a family member present, that’s your choice. (Read more: Your Wedding Party: Who Does What?)
   
   
3. Maid of Honor Jealousy: You promised your best friend from high school that you’d be each other’s maids of honor, but now your sister wants the title. Plus, family strife will ensue if you don’t choose your sibling. This is a difficult situation that only diplomacy can solve. (However, before you make any decisions, make sure your best friend still wants to be maid of honor; she might have moved on.) Your best bet is to pick one (if you really can’t decide, flip a coin), and have the other one be a bridesmaid, and ask if she’d please do a reading or something else special for your affair. You should also surprise her with lunch or drinks for the two of you. If one of them lives far away, it makes the most sense to let that person be a bridesmaid. The other option is to have two maids of honor, and to split the duties evenly. (Read more: Dealing with Jealous Bridesmaids)
   
   
4. Who’s Wedding Is It, Anyhow? By the time Mom has ordered your flowers, you’re probably so upset you want to elope. Since that’s probably not the best option, you need to solve this using other, non-threatening methods. If your parents are paying for any part of the wedding, they should have some say, but they should never control the affair. Take Mom aside, tell her how much you appreciate her help, and politely but firmly remind her that you and your fiancé are the ones making the final decisions. There’s a very good chance Mom has simply gotten swept up in planning and forgotten that other people are involved. On the very off chance that she won’t budge, you need to re-think the budget, and let her know that, if need be, you and your groom will have to plan a smaller, more intimate affair. (Read more: Balancing Family Traditions with What You Want)
   
   
5. Attention Deficit: It’s your wedding, and everyone else in the family has just taken a backseat to your big day. Your brothers and sisters are only acknowledged when asked to help with the seating chart or address envelopes. When you’re getting married, it’s natural for Mom and Dad to over-indulge in your preparations, and to help matters, make it your priority to give your brothers and sisters much-needed recognition. Younger siblings will be especially appreciative if you take them aside and ask about anything but your wedding day. A wonderful idea is to let everyone in the family know that you’ve been the center of attention, and to offer to make them dinner or take them out to a movie (your treat), or anything else non-you and non-ceremony related. (Read more: My Brothers, His Groomsmen?)
   

Check Out Polite Answers to Rude Wedding Questions
Check Out Dealing with Jealous Bridesmaids
Check Out How to Handle Hints for Invitations