The First Year of Marriage: Communication Is Key, Planning Advice from OurWeddingDay.com

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The First Year of Marriage

Communication Is Key

Once you’re married, it’s important to establish good habits in your relationship. As you spend your first year of marriage together, you and your spouse are bound to have little tiffs and disagreements. The key is communicating your feelings and desires with respect and openness.

First, remember that it’s okay to disagree. Life would be strange if you always got along with everyone—including your spouse. While you ultimately want to be happy with your spouse most of the time, a few blips and blowouts are just part of a healthy balance in life. Plus, making up can be fun.

Whether you’re arguing or getting along fine after the wedding, you need to share your emotions with your spouse. Are you annoyed when he leaves his socks on the floor in the bathroom? It might not be a big deal the first few times, but if you stew on it for months, it could lead to a huge unnecessary argument. Try explaining why it annoys you. Do you feel unappreciated at having to do the extra housework? Tell him in a way that doesn’t make him feel attacked—but don’t hold it in.

Likewise, be prepared to handle criticism. Just as some aspects of your husband’s behavior may rub you the wrong way, there may be certain things your husband would like to see you do differently.

As long as you both communicate with respect, you can weather the rough spots. When you’re mad, literally take a deep breath. Avoid using words as weapons. Instead, consider the tone of voice you’d want hear and the way you’d want to be treated. Putting yourself in your spouse’s shoes can go a long way.

Just as it’s important to share problems or concerns you might have, it’s important to share the good things you feel. It’s important to thank your spouse and to express your love regularly. Whether it’s as simple as a delicious meal he cooked or as profound as the way that he makes you feel whole—tell him. Tell him what you feel, and show him what you’d love to hear in return by setting an example.

Some couples find it helpful to “check in” once in a while. If communication doesn’t come naturally to you or your spouse, make it a habit to touch base once a week. Have a date or a special meal. Write each other notes. If you spend a lot of time on the computer, try checking in over email. There’s no right or wrong way to communicate as long as you’re getting your feelings across.

Try to be positive in your fits year of marriage, even when you’re being critical. It isn’t always easy, but if you’re complaining about those socks on the floor, mention how much you love how he keeps his car tidy. No one wants to feel lectured, so it’s okay to put a positive spin on criticism.

Of course, all these communication skills are learned skills you acquire during married life. You won’t begin your marriage on day-one knowing exactly how to communicate and how to get along through thick and thin. Be prepared to work on your relationship as it evolves throughout your lives together. You’re embarking on the adventure of lifetime, and as long as you respect each other throughout that journey and never close the door to your heart, your relationship will only strengthen during your first year of marriage and beyond.