What You Need to Know about Planning a Mixed-Religion Marriage

It’s not uncommon in 2010 for interfaith weddings to take place. If you and your fiancé are of different religions, your wedding can be every bit as traditional as you’d like it to be. There might be some issues specific to your situation, so read on for an interfaith primer.

While the obvious differences in an interfaith marriage should be discussed way before your wedding day (how to raise the children, what do Mom and Dad think), in the engagement period you need to go over any conflicts the two of you have. “The couple has to come to terms with any aspect of their union that is uncomfortable,” says Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, interfaith wedding officiant and author of Your Interfaith Wedding. “Once they figure things out, it is much easier to present a united front to the family.”

Finding the right officiant depends on several factors. “If you hail from a religion that frowns upon intermarriage or marriage outside a house of worship, you will have a rougher time finding a clergy person from your faith,” says Brockway. The two of you need to talk to your respective clergy and get their feedback. If your own minister or rabbi can’t marry you, search for an alternative ceremony. If you can’t get a recommendation from a local source, you can do an online search for interfaith ministers or non-denominational ministers. Whether or not you can marry in a house of worship will depend on your particular faith, and individual rules. Remember, you can still have religious touches in a wedding that is held in a secular setting.

Although moral and religious attitudes have changed significantly over the past couple of generations, “There are certainly families who worry about the next generation losing religious or cultural identity,” says Brockway. Challenging as it will be, try to understand where relatives are coming from, and appreciate their viewpoint. The more they know you’re aware of their concerns, the more willing they may be to meet you in the middle. “They might be worried about how the kids will be raised, and that family and friends will not approve,” adds Brockway. Talking it out is always the best remedy. You may also find that your parents are much more accepting of your interfaith marriage than you assumed.

One definite plus when it comes to interfaith weddings? “Vendors love mixed-culture couples,” says Brockway. Two faiths often means more elaborate celebrations; in your case, it certainly means double the love.

-David Toussaint

Check Out Asking a Friend to Officiate Your Wedding
Check Out Balancing Family Traditions with What You Want
Check Out the Benefits of Premarital Counseling