Answers You Need Before Your Big Day

One of the most important premarital counseling tools often used in relationship counseling is this: looking at a detailed, extensive list of questions about the other person (and your relationship) and having each person answer the same questions about each other separately. Afterwards, compare the results. Often, the answers are indicative of whether the couple is grounded in reality. For example, some worksheets will list different qualities and ask each person to rate themselves and their future spouse (on a scale of 1 to 5) on how much he/she displays that characteristic. Sometimes, couples will have completely different answers about each other. This often brings up some important points of discussion, serving as a basis for identifying expectations.

What is your fiancé’s attitude on finance and saving? Finance is cited as the number one reason for divorce. This is partly because when things get difficult financially, other problems simultaneously begin to surface—problems that were easier to deal with before the financial stress. It is important to know your future spouse’s attitude towards saving and spending, as well as financial priorities. One person may think it important to save for kids’ private education, while the other may feel it is essential to travel.

Is your fiancé open to marriage counseling? Many couples are open to the idea of premarital counseling tools before the wedding, but many are not open to it after they get married.