Is It Ever Okay to “Fire” an Attendant?
Even though it’s your wedding day, you’re not supposed to “fire” someone in your wedding party, whether it’s a restless Flower girl or your Maid of Honor. However, there are times when a situation is so unpleasant or unavoidable you need to do some major downsizing. Read on for how and when to make the final decisions.
The unkindest cuts usually involve bridesmaids and the Maid of Honor. Should you find that one of your bridesmaids is unhappy—she complains about her dress, the time constraints, other members of the wedding—you need to get to the root of the problem. Her unhappiness could be the result of personal problems, jealousy, even anger at her position.
Take her aside and talk to her. Make sure you don’t place any blame, and ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her enjoy the wedding preparation more. With hope, you can resolve whatever issues she has. If you find that, for example, her job has left her so stressed-out she can’t concentrate fully on your wedding, ask her if she’d be happier simply as a guest. Get the issue out in the open to avoid hurt feelings on either side.
If the person involved is the Maid of Honor, it’s even more crucial that you resolve the issue as soon as possible. Take her to lunch or invite her over for coffee, and gently ask her why she seems unhappy. Make sure you let her know how much her friendship means to you, and that you never intended to put too much strain on her. Once again, her unhappiness could be the result of a number of problems, and there’s a good chance she’s too afraid to hurt your feelings to mention it. If she’d rather not take on the responsibility, let her know you won’t be upset, and by all means don’t take it personally.
Should the problem be coming from his side of the party, talk to your fiancé about it. The man in question should be dealt with similar to any of your bridesmaids, but your fiancé (not you) should talk to him. Once again, make sure he understands you’d never want to put him in a position he’s not enjoying, and, once again, don’t take it personally. When in doubt, think how you’d want to be treated were the situation turned around.
As for children, problems occur when a child is too restless to go through the motions. Friends and loved ones are often so thrilled at seeing their children in your wedding they don’t notice that he refuses to sit still at rehearsal. Talk to his parents and let them know of your concerns. They are parents; if anyone can calm the child down, it’s them. Should things still not work, you can use another child or skip the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer. Make sure they understand how important it is for your wedding day to go off with as few problems as possible, and take some extra time at the reception to mingle with the child.
As the saying goes, ‘When in doubt, talk it out!’
-David Toussaint
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