What they’ve Learned, and What they Would Do Differently
If you want advice from real marriage pros, go straight to the source: four married women, and one man, discuss what they’ve learned over the years, and what they would do differently. Pay attention, students; the course on love is a lifelong class…
Rose from New York, New York
Married 10 Years
Children: Expecting
What She’s Learned: “I married relatively young (25 years old), and I have learned that it takes a lot of sacrifice, compromise, and patience in order for things to work out. Marriage is not easy, but it’s one of the greatest things that I have ever done with my life.”
What She’d Do Differently: “I would have liked to have been more mature before getting married. That way, I would have avoided many unnecessary conflicts.”
Anna from Danville, California
Married 12 Years
Children: 3
What She’s Learned: “As it’s the second marriage for both of us, we’ve learned from mistakes. Make sure you both have the same outlook—kids, work ethic, neatness expectations, courtesy, conflict resolution. And you need to realize that you don’t have all the answers.”
What She’d Do Differently: “If you have any reservations about getting married, don't do it. You’re not ready.”
Sara from Boston, Massachusetts
Married 5 Years
Children: 1
What She’s Learned: “The permanency of marriage makes it a unique relationship. I think it creates a sense of security, as you don’t have to worry that the relationship will end if you make a mistake or have an argument. In a funny way, this security has allowed me to relax and be myself as an individual.”
What She’d Do Differently: “Honestly, nothing.”
Beth from Los Angeles, California
Married 11 Years
Children: 1
What’s She’s Learned: “Don’t expect your partner to be capable of the same things you are. Each person has different strengths, and that’s what a marriage is. ‘Coming together’ is the definition of marriage. Once you accept that it makes you less angry or resentful.”
What She’d Do Differently: “I wouldn’t have listened to the people who said ‘The first year is the hardest.’ You’re madly in love the first year, so everything’s wonderful. The first year you have a child is the hardest because it’s a completely new experience for both of you and an amazing strain.”
Tom from Chicago, Illinois
Married 24 Years
Children: 2
What He’s Learned: “I can't give up the things that I really enjoy, like playing baseball in my old-guy baseball league. I may have to make concessions to get what I want. For example, in order to play baseball six months out of the year, I have agreed to take ballroom dancing classes with Deb, which lasts all year. It's well worth it—I don't think we've ever been a happier couple.”
What He’d Do Differently: “I wish I'd made the above realization at least a decade earlier.”
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